


Underneath the Helmet

by ExistentialMalaises



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: A focus on the Knights of Ren, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Filling in the gaps between TFA and TLJ, Murder, Rough Sex, The Dark Side of the Force, and a lot of sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-08
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-03-28 05:34:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13897359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExistentialMalaises/pseuds/ExistentialMalaises
Summary: “Whether a person fought alongside the Rebellion, aimed to restore balance through the First Order, or tried to survive amidst the growing shadows of the destitute fringes, one thing they all couldn’t escape was the unpredictability of life. It could end at a moment’s notice.”An inside look at the life of [Y/N] and the other Knights of Ren during the events ofThe Force AwakensandThe Last Jedi.





	1. The Finalizer

**Author's Note:**

> I was excited to learn more about The Knights of Ren in _The Last Jedi_ and we got exactly zilch… so here’s my brainchild instead.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Y/N] marches down the hallways of the _Finalizer_ towards Kylo Ren’s private quarters for some… downtime.

Whether a person fought alongside the Rebellion, aimed to restore balance through the First Order, or tried to survive amidst the growing shadows of the destitute fringes, one thing they all couldn’t escape was the unpredictability of life. It could end at a moment’s notice. But that didn’t mean [Y/N] was clueless. Her hard upbringing had instilled her with many certainties… and three of those stormed through her mind as she marched herself through the hollow hallways of the _Finalizer_. 

_One_ : Working for the First Order was a cold and lonesome existence. Relentless training simulations and live-fire exercises with heavy weaponry, followed by sparring practices in unarmed combat. To switch things up every now and then, the Knights of Ren sparred with Phasma’s most elite stormtroopers, but everything else was the same. Recuperate from wounds. Mission briefs to detail the specifics. Strikes and raids to destroy an objective and secure information. Nights turned into day, and light into darkness. 

_Two_ : Hers was a trying time. Growing up in the aftermath of the galactic civil war and the destruction of the Old Empire was volatile. Treacherous. Forced to the inferior sectors on the fringe of the Outer Rim, the remnants of the Imperial’s creed fractured into small splinter factions with discordant ideologies. Through the formation of the First Order her parents found hope again that one day things could return to normal, and [Y/N] was nurtured with that belief. They cultivated her with ambition to rise through the ranks… to step on all of her corpses if she had to. And she did. A trying time. Nothing in this life was given, but if she played her cards right it could be for the taking. 

_Three_ : Life was numbing, life was harsh, but nobody got her hot and bothered like Kylo Ren did… and he was hers for the taking. It didn’t happen overnight, but their numbing, harsh life and rigorous training meant that at some point they needed more stress relievers than what the _Finalizer_ or Starkiller Base offered. And after day-to-day physical training, then fighting side by side for so long, and from such a young age… it was almost a natural progression. So she took. 

The measured tread of her heavy boots came to a halt when she stood in front of the blast door to his private quarters on the Star Destroyer. Her head turned to the right then to the left to ensure no one would witness her entering without using the door annunciator. [Y/N] waved her coded key over the door-field, and the portal opened then closed automatically once she stepped inside. 

White beams emitted a cool light against the geometric black walls, producing a dark fluorescent blue dye throughout the bare room. It was dead silent, but she knew he was here. Articles of his uniform were scattered carelessly over the table on the left: a long dark coat, a thick leather belt, black gloves, and the helmet — marked with abrasions — he never left his quarters without. 

She took off her own helmet and placed it next to his. Then came the rest of her uniform until [Y/N] had nothing more on than her black socks, pants and undershirt. The pneumatic doors to his bedroom, his meditation room, and his sitting room were all shut tight. There was not even a slit of light to indicate where he could be. [Y/N] chose the sitting room. A hunch, maybe. The portal opened as soon as she stood in front of it, and right in the middle of the rectangular unit was Kylo Ren, seated listlessly on the dark modular sofa. 

Kylo didn’t look at her when she entered, but kept his strong gaze fixed on the panoramic viewport instead. [Y/N] followed his gaze. The view was remarkable. Sometimes there’d be nothing more than the overwhelming darkness of deep space, ominous and desolate, but today the viewport uncovered the swirling yellow-red flashes of glaring star factories in the distance… and it was singular. Like him. The vast mass casted a light over the green planet not too far from it and into Kylo’s sitting room. 

She walked past him to the wall on the other side. “There you are.”

“Where else would I be?” Kylo said dryly, and still didn’t look at her.

“Don’t know. Causing trouble somewhere on that damned cold planet. Butting heads with Hux. Chasing after Skywalker. _Hm_. Your little prayer room.”

That got his attention. His gaze shifted, irritation set in his pointed features. “It’s _a meditation chamber_.”

“That’s what I said,” [Y/N] said with a shrug, and pressed against a square cut-out in the wall.

It flipped open and extended, revealing a curated bottle collection with colorful liquids. She picked the golden-brown one, and poured a glass while Kylo’s head turned back to the viewport. He may have been seated listlessly on the sofa, but the grip of his hands, tightening into fists, told her something had gone wrong. Again. [Y/N] had heard about the disturbance that took place on the _Finalizer_ ’s hangar a day ago… and about the stormtrooper who had defected. It made the air more precarious than normal.

[Y/N] closed the storage compartment with a firm click, and took silent steps until she stood in front of him. The circles beneath his eyes darkened with each new day that brought forth inconclusive results of Skywalker’s whereabouts. Unhurriedly she put her knees down on each side of his thick legs, then lowered herself down on top him. She scooted forward, and he clenched his teeth. He didn’t do anything after she sat down on his legs. Just cleared his throat to diffuse some of the tension she knew she was creating. Two sharp and irresolute eyes stared at her as she made herself comfortable. His hands were flat on the couch, stretching out, not touching her. Detached, but observant. Nothing new. [Y/N] brushed a lock of her hair out of her face and sipped on the drink, then offered it to him.

Kylo shook his head. “I don’t care for that stuff.”

“I know… but it’ll help you relax.”

“I don’t need to _relax_ ,” Kylo said, and straightened his tense figure underneath her in protest. “Besides, I cannot afford to lose control. Not now.”

She put her free hand on his chest, the twill weave of his under tunic was rough to the tip of her fingers, so she raised them to the bare skin of his neck where she detected the even pulsation of his heart. “But I love it when you do…”

Kylo stared at her… his vision lowering to her lips. A daring smirk was playing on them, and he shook his head, took the glass, then downed the golden-brown liquid in one go. Her smirk widened and [Y/N] raked her fingers through the black tangled curls of his hair appreciatively. The strain in his jaw returned just like that.

“I’m not in the mood,” Kylo murmured.

“I’ll get you there.”

Detached and observant, but [Y/N] always got his blood boiling. Her face disappeared in his neck, her wetted lips tasting and nipping his skin mercifully, and she pressed her groin against his to make sure Kylo would feel the warmth between her legs. When she no longer showed any mercy, and she lavished him with her insistent kisses and bites, lapping the side of her tongue over the pulse in his neck, she noticed the change. Kylo never gave away much if she had to work him up. He’d be silent. But if she zeroed in on the humping cadences of his breaths and the contractions of his strong muscles underneath her, then she was able to read his body like a book. [Y/N] sucked on the sensitive spot on his skin while her trimmed nails raked through his hair, she rubbed her groin against his rhythmically, and she read him. Clear as day. Black as night. His breaths came in a little faster, no longer slow and deep, and her nipples stiffened at the thought of what was to come.

Once she was done with one side of his neck, she moved to the other… Instantly licking, sucking, and nipping. No more mercy. Kylo gulped for air, a wasted effort to keep his breathing in check. Her fingers withdrew from his curls and found the zippers of his tunic and sleeved shirt, then began to undress him so her mouth could explore his body further. A bite for every brown mole he possessed while her nails scratched down his chest, marking his pale skin with flushed stripes. As her head lowered down to his pants, Kylo strained underneath her touches. His inhales coming in quicker, his exhales irregular.

She was winning him over. Easily. She climbed off the couch, and looked at his crotch. “There we go…” [Y/N] said, wearing her pride on her face, and she squeezed his hardening cock through his pants.

No verbal response. Just that incessant and potent stare. But then his teeth scraped over his plump bottom lip, wetting it, whitening it. Her smirk grew, and she unbuttoned his pants when Kylo’s arm suddenly lashed forward. [Y/N] caught her breath when his hand grabbed her hair out of nowhere and yanked her head back with one swift movement. The unexpected pain from the strain pulled her attention back to his face. Warmth spread throughout her chest. Startled and aroused further, she awaited his next move.

What did he want?

“Not so fast.” Kylo dragged her face towards him, lifting her figure, while his fingers kept her head in a fixed position.

Dark brown eyes roamed to her mouth once their faces were inches apart. He lingered there, tightening his hold on her hair, and her lips parted in a pained response. She dug her nails in his arms, trying to balance herself, and then he swept his lips over hers hungrily. Desire took over instantly, and she moaned into the kiss while he forced his tongue inside of her mouth.

Kylo tasted like H'nemthe yams. A candied vegetable he would eat in bulks when he was feeling stressed out, because it was something his mother made to comfort him when he was a small boy. A hidden memory. Something he once confessed to her in confidence. Kylo went through so many that [Y/N] was convinced the canteen in the _Finalizer_ only stocked up on the yams for him. He bit her lip abruptly, and she moaned again, red-hot desire rushing from her chest down to her groin. Kylo might’ve tasted sweet on her lips, but his kisses were heated and rough like Chando peppers.

As sudden as he began kissing her, he stopped. “Now you can suck me off,” he said, calmer than she would’ve expected, calmer than herself. Kylo loosened the hold on her hair and looked pleased with himself.

“Asshole,” [Y/N] said in a barely audible voice, slightly out of breath.

“ _What_ did you call me?”

“You heard me.”

He tightened his hold on her hair again, and jerked her face back to his. His skin was warm, but his expression hard and cold. “Better watch your language, or else—”

“Or. Else. _What_?” She pushed out her chin further in defiance.

His other hand wrapped around her neck, just resting there, warning her not to push him further. “You are not going to get what you came for.”

“I’ll get my way,” she said while she puckered up her lips tauntingly.

With the hand around her throat, Kylo forced [Y/N] down on her knees… her puckered lips coming face to face with his groin. He unzipped his pants and revealed his semi-hard cock. A smirk that was very similar to the one that had formed earlier on her lips now rested on his when he said: “Not even halfway there.”

Her eyes shifted to his face, savage underneath her darkened lashes, and Kylo locked his jaw as he stared back. Her nails found the edge of his pants and she hauled them down with a couple of tugs, not giving a damn whether she scratched his legs, until the movement was restricted by his boots. [Y/N] sat up on her knees, dragging her hands all over his body… everywhere but his cock for a moment, then she grabbed him tightly around his base and squeezed. Kylo coughed away a gasp, his hands clenching into fists next to his legs, and she lapped her velvet tongue up the base, then came to a halt when she reached the tip of his cock. [Y/N] glared at him, swirled her tongue around the tip of his cock, then coaxed him in between her warm lips.

Kylo’s head fell back on the head of the sofa, and he closed his eyes as a soft sigh fell from his lips. She palmed him with one hand and wetted his cock further inside her mouth, her tongue leaving no place untouched, and he grew fully erect within seconds. 

“You were saying?” [Y/N] asked after his cock was completely coated with her warm saliva.

She sat up straight and he looked at her through his long lashes, his chin up in the air; the yearning now unmistakable on his face. “ _Ahhh_. You are not done yet. _Continue_.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t get that?”

Kylo unclenched one hand, then clenched it again in her hair. His voice was low and threatening. “I _will_ choke you.”

“Like you’d give me the pleasure.” Her lips parted when he strained her head, and she smirked mockingly.

“No, you’re right…”—Kylo mimicked her expression, then deadpanned—“Try me, and I will not.” He moved her face back to his cock, less than an inch away from the tip, and she sucked in her breath when she felt his nails dig into her head. His eyebrows raised, and he tapped the tip of his cock on her mouth while he waited for her to continue: “Suck.”

Heat surged through her figure again down to her core, both from anger and lust. She wanted to punch him in the face, but then she also wanted to fuck his brains out. It was the effect he had on her. Hot _and_ bothered. [Y/N] took him in and did as he told. Her tongue was pressed flat along his head and her lips were wrapped tightly over his frenulum. She rubbed her reddened lips over it repeatedly and sucked on the tip of his cock.

Kylo let out a satisfied grunt, and pushed her head further down on his cock. [Y/N] would’ve taken that moment to gloat and taunt him, had she not been too busy trying not to choke on him. It only got her wetter. An inevitable side-effect by the time her cunt was aching to be filled. By now her underwear would have to be dripping wet. Kylo was so deep inside her mouth that she could feel the tip of his cock hit the back of her throat. She drew in her cheeks, sucking as hard as she could, and he dropped his hand from her hair, clenching and unclenching his fists on the sofa.

“ _Ohh_ , that’s right…” He grunted again, his breaths coming in erratically now… his body close to writhing underneath her sucks.

That was enough warning for her, and she took him out of her mouth with a loud pop, a mixture of her warm saliva and his precome slipping down the side of her lips. “No coming for you just yet,” [Y/N] said through her breaths, and wiped her mouth clean.

Kylo panted painfully, his mouth agape, his chest heaving up and down, and his face white-hot in anger, because he was left teetering on the precipice of his orgasm then denied completely. [Y/N] stood up and ignored him while she removed her undershirt and pants. The cold circulated air in the sitting room cooled down her wet panties quickly, and it made her cunt crave his heat even more. When she had nothing more on than her socks and underwear, she spun around smugly for him, so she could make his agony last longer.

“Come here. _Now_ ,” Kylo said through gritted teeth, and she took her time to remove her cotton bra. She dropped it to the floor and Kylo’s gaze remained fixed on her breasts. “Don’t make me come get you. You’ll regret it.”

“How much?”

“I will not let _you_ come at all. I will make _you_ hurt.”

[Y/N] contemplated that proposition in her head, her fingers dancing down to her panties playfully, but decided that she really wanted what she came for tonight. And coming was definitely a part of that. When Kylo leaned forward to get off the couch to put his money where his mouth was, she stepped towards him immediately and shoved him back down. Restricted by the pants around his boots, he fell back down and pulled her with him.

“I’m here,” [Y/N] said right away, and bit her lip.

“Too. _Late_ ,” Kylo spat, his fingers curling around the hem of her cotton panties.

He glanced down at her breasts, then his lips encircled her nipple tightly, making her throw her head back as she held on to his shoulders. Kylo twisted her nipple and when she squealed in pain, he lapped his warm tongue over it. Soothing her immediately. [Y/N] moaned, and pushed his head harder against her chest.

With a firm tug he tore her underwear apart and opened up her legs.

She straddled Kylo properly, hovering above his cock as he sucked on her other nipple, and she pumped him in her hand a couple of times then slid down on him. At this point [Y/N] was so moist and his wetted cock so hard that he slipped inside with one rough thrust. Her fingers clawed his shoulders and a stifled moan fell from her lips, arising from how he stretched her. Just what her cunt had been craving all along. The aching intensified and she picked up a maddening pace to somehow try to take the edge of.

[Y/N] cried out and closed her eyes, zeroing in on her satisfaction rather than his. When they opened again, the orange glow from the star factories had disappeared, and their figures moved together fluidly in the fluorescent blue shadows. Kylo yanked her head down again when their eyes met, now on his soft, full lips. He breathed harshly, and filled her up everywhere. She was already starting to feel sore around her cunt, and the muscles in her legs grew more rigid every time his cock hit her g-spot. [Y/N] grabbed the head of the couch for more balance, and she alternated between fast jerks and slow rolls.

Fast. Fast. Fast.

 _Slow_.

Fast. Fast. Fast.

 _Slow_.

Every one bringing her closer to her ruination. Kylo’s hand moved down her back, and without warning she felt the powerful sting of a slap against her ass. The unexpected ache morphed into a pained pleasure and tightened the coil in the bottom of her groin.

“ _Ahh_ , hmm.” She tried to breathe through her moans.

“Yeah, you like that?” Kylo panted against her lips, then he inserted two fingers into her mouth,pushing them down on her tongue, and looked at her. She nodded and avidly twirled her tongue around his fingers, sucking on them as he pulled them out of her mouth. His wet fingers found her clit and rubbed her hard.

“ _Ahhh_ , fuck, Ky—” She cried out again, but got cut off by another slap to her ass. “ _Fucccck_.”Sweat was dripping down her body as she came closer to unraveling, and now that he was fastening the process with his hands all she could think about was how close she was to her o —

Kylo pushed her down on his cock harshly and restricted her movement. He was no longer rubbing her the right way. He was no longer moving at all, and she could feel the tension she yearned for in her groin drifting away.

He was really going to be an asshole about it. A flush of annoyance flared through her chest up to her face. “ _Fuck_ , don’t be such a cocksuc—”

“Is that how you talk to the Master of the Knights of Ren? _You_ should know better,” Kylo said gravely, and she could feel an invisible force around her neck.

Fuck. He was going to give her what she wanted. She sucked on her lip in anticipation. “Please…”

“Yes. I like it when you beg.” He tilted his head to the side and smiled ever-so-slightly, but she didn’t care anymore. “Beg some more.”

“Please Kylo… Please make me come. Please _let_ me come.”

The force around her neck increased into a tight squeeze while his hold on her body loosened, and his thrusts came in full speed again, hitting the right spot each time. His fingers rubbed her clit again, and she was fucking breathless within minutes. She relaxed her body as best as she could, with the maddening ministrations coming at her from all sides, and surrendered herself to this man whom she followed to the ends of the world.

Kylo watched her attentively, slack-jawed. His dark locks ruffled by her hands. His full lips bruised by her teeth. His chest flushing all over, streaked with scarlet crescent marks of her nails. The invisible squeeze around her throat intensified and the unabating rubs against her clit finally shattered the coils of tension in her groin, and sent electrifying flutters up to her chest and down to her toes. It made her eyes roll back. Her head was so light that she was fucking floating. Her body shivered intensely once she came down from her high, and she fell face-forward on Kylo’s chest… the frenzied thudding of his heart drowned out every other noise… until she heard him come minutes later.

Kylo fucked like he fought, vehement, violent, and domineering, but it often started with a mask of control on to hide the extreme disparity that brewed deep inside of him even then… No matter how much he was raging, he would be determined to try to restrain himself. But, now, with his hand wrapped forcefully around [Y/N]’s wrists behind her back to keep her in place, his hips snapped back and forth as he pounded into her relentlessly. Still breathless, she moved her head up to his neck, found his pulse, then bit and broke the sensitive skin. He groaned with approval. And other than her own climax, nothing pleased [Y/N] more than when she finally extracted loud and raw grunts from him, and took away all his pretense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter coming soon. I hope you give this story some kudos and comments if you're enjoying it. Receiving your feedback makes the experience ten times better! You can also find me on [Tumblr](https://existentialmalaises.tumblr.com/).


	2. The Knights of Ren

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After some downtime it’s back to business for [Y/N]. She prepares herself for her next mission.

All was quiet in the dusky sitting room except for Kylo’s labored breathing. He let go of her wrists and wrapped his arms around the small of her back. Just holding her. [Y/N] placed her wrists against her breasts, her palms flat on his chest, and she listened. The beat of his heart thudded at full tilt. The erratic pounding was so powerful that it was palpable to her touch. Kylo cleared his throat, and inhaled deeply. It affected him everywhere. His chest stopped heaving, the pounding slowed down until she only felt the faint echo of his heartbeat, and the sitting room filled with silence. 

It was a comfortable silence. His slow, deep breaths were always soothing to her ears. It meant he was calm, or the closest thing he got to calm. It meant that she could tread with less care. No facades. Just quiet. There weren’t enough moments like this since she joined the First Order. Everything was about efficiency, subduing and eliminating threats, remorseless professionalism, and climbing the ranks. [Y/N] was good at it. As a Knight of Ren there was no contesting that, but this wasn’t particularly bad either. Kylo sat up straighter and his still engorged cock inadvertently delved deeper into her. She whimpered. Her cunt was sore from the beating it took and her legs still felt like jelly. If she stood up right now, she wasn’t sure that she wouldn’t fall back down on the sofa.

His pointed jaw moved along her face until their lips connected. Slow. But greedy. His kisses were slow, but greedy. It brought her hips back to life, making them roll languidly and savor the remnants of their scant recreational activities. Muted moans. Not just hers. Her fingertips danced over his broad chest to his neck where it slid over the cold sweat that he wore as a badge of honor. But then his cock grew smaller, and their actions faltered. They stood up. Her legs weren’t wobbly anymore. They put their uniforms on. He glanced at her from the corner of his eyes, and [Y/N] left him in his silence. 

Back in her individual room she washed her body under a cold stream of water. Brief. Efficient. There was no time to be wasted. Her underwear was deposited in a duct after she directed it to washing services, and she put her uniform and helmet back on. With long strides, [Y/N] made her way through the mostly deserted triangular hallways of the _Finalizer_ , and her black attire blended easily in the fluorescent blue shadows. 

Once she arrived at the appointed conference room, [Y/N] found the room was already filled with four other Knights of Ren. She wasn’t late. They were early. A brisk nod of her head, after she took her helmet off, got her some form of acknowledgment as she sat down around the ring-shaped table. Today’s briefing was about their research into an important Sith chalice. It was one of the many responsibilities Kylo had conferred on them. It wasn’t just bloodshed. He had the stormtroopers to assist him in his search of Skywalker. He needed the Knights to focus their attention on retrieving artifacts that once belonged to users of the dark side of the Force. A time too soon forgotten. A time people needed to be reminded of. Order. Peace. Unity. Kylo would use the artifacts to remind them. To _show_ them the power of the darkness.

Mira tapped [Y/N] on her arm, and [Y/N] shifted in her seat to look at her. Her soft, golden locks were braided tightly around one side of her head, which branded the expression on her face vividly. It bordered between indignation and disgust. [Y/N] wondered which emotion prevailed. 

“Did you see this?” Mira pointed her finger at a rectangular pad that was transmitting HoloNet News. An image of chancellor Villecham of the New Republic, who apparently was insisting on peace during one of his hologrammed speeches. “This inbred _Bile_ cham thinks _this_ is peace? His refusal to see us as a threat will be his undoing. Mark my words.” 

“Consider them marked,” [Y/N] narrowed her eyes on the small hologram and concentrated on the words of the Tarsunt politician. 

“We should take care of the rat’s undoing ourselves. Better than going on another errand,” Hyo muttered without making eye-contact, and sharpened his favorite vibroknife. _Nashima_. Named after his first kill. 

“Do you need to be reminded of your place?” Yoshi’s placid voice reverberated through the conference room, shutting everyone up. 

Mira turned off her device. Hyo, Zaki and Sahan sat up straighter in their chairs. [Y/N] didn’t. She wasn’t slacking or mouthing off to begin with. Yoshi stepped inside, and the pneumatic door slid closed instantly, then he pressed a button on the wall next to it. A hologram of a chalice appeared in the middle of the ring-shaped table. He remained on his feet, towering and pronounced, _always_ needing to assert his dominance over them as Kylo’s right-hand man. He briefed them on the next mission they had to accomplish. This specific Sith chalice, an incense burner used in meditation rituals to gather and strengthen powers, was stolen centuries ago from the Sith temple in Malachor in the Outer Rim. 

“Communications have picked up rumors, whispers, that after being abandoned for years, the ancient temple is active again. We have reason to presume the chalice has returned there by one of the last magic-wielding Nightsisters.” 

“Nightsisters?” Hyo asked. 

“A clan of witches. Dark. Dathomirian. Had a precarious relationship with the Sith, so I don’t expect they’ll be friendly.”

“When we come to kindly request they hand over their precious possessions? Yes, that’s likely.” Sahan raised an eyebrow, and that seemed to lighten the mood in the conference room. 

“What are they doing on Malachor?” Mira asked. 

“They — ” Yoshi started, but [Y/N] cut him off. 

“The Sith almost slaughtered their race on Dathomir. Someone was smart enough to think of immigration,” [Y/N] said, and a sly grin appeared on her face when Yoshi turned his gaze on her. He wasn’t the only one who did his research.

“Immigration,” Hyo muttered again. 

Yoshi ignored him, his eyes still firm on [Y/N]. “A Kaleesh cyborg general killed them actually: Grievous.” 

“Who followed the order of Dooku. _A Sith._ My point stands.” [Y/N] leaned back in her chair, her head tilting to the side, while Yoshi shifted the weight of his body between his hips. 

“I’m _really_ enjoying the history lesson here, _really_ , but when are we leaving?” Sahan stood up and stretched his arms. It seemed that was as much inactivity as his body was going to accept today. 

“In under an hour. Set your timepieces. Geared up and ready at the hangar deck.” Yoshi turned the hologram off, and after getting confirmations from all of them he left the room. 

“Great, means we can still witness the demonstration of the super-weapon,” Mira said gaily.

“Where are they aiming it?” Zaki asked, his voice low, and stood up along with the other men, who were already walking away. 

Zaki turned his head towards Mira and [Y/N], revealing the burned mark on his temple, which seemed to heal pretty swiftly. A pity about the ear. Having two had its purposes. Mira threw her pad his way. He caught it with one hand and listened to the oral missive. 

“The Hosnian system? That’s a bit much.” Zaki concluded and returned the device when they all stood in front of the pneumatic door with their helmets back on, then continued walking through the dark triangular hallways of the _Finalizer_. 

Mira shook her head immediately. “No, it’s exactly right. _Right_?” She looked at [Y/N], waiting for her agreement. 

“Destroying a whole planet? A whole system? It’s impractical. The weapon is only a symbol of the First Order’s power. It’s not the Force. It’s not Lord Vader’s legacy. Master Ren is.” 

“You’re right.” Mira nodded. “It’s not the Force.”

The three fell silent and trod into the Dark Room meant for the Knights of Ren to put on their armor and pick out their weapons. [Y/N] wondered why Mira was so quick to defend the super-weapon. The Knights supported the Force, a set of beliefs. Fear was a useful tool, but what value had fear if all it left behind was chaos? And what was the point of ruling the galaxy if one had to destroy sentient planets to get it done? Planets habituating innocent people needed direction, not senseless death. It needed to have meaning. Aiming the super-weapon at the rebellion. Now that was a better strategic move. _Their_ deaths would have meaning. Their deaths would further the influence and power of the First Order, of Supreme Leader Snoke,… of Kylo. 

Picking out her armor and weapons was something that had become a mechanized process. Her uniform was already on. It was always on. They always had to be ready. The rest was extra. A long and hooded outer robe. A dart shooter on her dominant hand to stun or eliminate an opponent from a close range. A small holdout blaster attached to her hip, if the situation required it. But her most favorite weapon of all was her trusted vibro double-blade, made with _cortosis-weave_ technology. Sturdy and possible to bifurcate. Her magnus opus. It was heavy and hard to brandish for the average wielder, but she wasn’t average. The brutal gashes and slashes it carved in her opponents upon striking them was worth the myriad of sleepless nights she trained with it until it became an extension of her arms. 

With still twenty minutes left, Mira and [Y/N] entered the bridge of the Star Destroyer to watch the demonstration of the super-weapon. [Y/N] had her personal reservations, but today was an important day for the First Order. And she wanted to witness history in the making. They stopped dead in their tracks, however, when they saw Kylo’s silhouette standing in front of the reuleaux-shaped triangle viewport on the bridge. His head bended faintly in their direction, it was barely noticeable. But she noticed it because the red of the super-weapon beam glistered brightly on his helmet after the movement, and it attracted more light on the chromium plates and in the abrasions. She focused on the viewport. The red beams divided into five smaller beams… and in only a matter of seconds… the Hosnian system was gone. 

“Good riddance Bilecham. One for the storybooks,” Mira said under her breath. 

“Sure. That’ll decrease the illiteracy rates.” [Y/N] responded, and Kylo lowered his head, then straightened himself and marched over to them. 

“Master Ren,” both Mira and [Y/N] said automatically when he stood still in front of them. 

“You’ve been briefed?” His voice came out detached and robotic through his sound modulator, and they nodded. [Y/N] understood the dehumanizing elements of their helmets, of the stormtroopers’ uniforms, but she didn’t think he needed to change his voice. He was imposing without the modulator too. “Then we’ll reconvene in a few days.” He turned his head to her, Mira and [Y/N] both nodded again, and he passed by them with heavy steps.

The Knights of Ren did not see Kylo often anymore. Not in person. Sometimes a hologram, but most of the communication and orders went through Yoshi. Ever since the Supreme Leader tasked him with finding Skywalker to complete Kylo’s training, his time and attention were spent there. Not everyone was thrilled by the changes. Hardly anyone was. Kylo would join the Knights for training every now and then. To oversee them. To push them. It could get vicious, but that was what they signed up for. 

Hers was a trying time. 

At least she saw Kylo during their downtime. There wasn’t much of it, but stress relievers were required. They needed more than what the First Order offered. She definitely did. And now she’d see him again in a few days… That would do. But first the search and seizure mission. [Y/N] sat down next to the other Knights of Ren in the internal passenger compartment of the Upsilon-class command shuttle, and closed her eyes. Malachor was far away, even in hyperdrive. 

They were in for a long flight.


	3. The Nightsister

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During war… no one’s life is guaranteed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: graphic depiction of violence + death.

The travel to Malachor took too long, and by the time the Knights of Ren landed on the rocky planet [Y/N] could not wait to get out of the command shuttle. Being in the same position for hours made her muscles stiff. She was ready for some action. Limber up. The shuttle could not land near the Sith temple, because of the rough and hellish wasteland, so it had descended some miles away. A walk was a good start to take care of her stiff muscles. 

By the time they reached the Sith temple the two moons had risen in the sky, and casted a dusky luminesce over the planet. It wasn’t what she had expected. She had read the tales of Darth Vader’s battle with the Jedi. She knew the Sith temple had been wrecked, but somehow this place and the broken structure of the temple still were grand and dramatic. Exactly like the Sith. From what she could gather from the remnants, the Sith temple used to have a triangular base, sloping sides, and a blood-red apex. Magnificent, even today.

The Knights of Ren walked past the turned-to-statues of Jedi and Sith, splintered figures of their petrified bodies, their actual bodies, and deeper into the destroyed Sith temple… towards a golden-brown light. Towards the warmth. Towards the Nightsisters, if their intelligence was accurate. 

Seated next to a small crackling fire was not the Nightsisters, but _one_ Nightsister. Tall. Slender. Clad in red and pale in appearance, but with the most fascinating grey tattoos on her face. Behind her were foreign objects that were placed on small platforms. The artifact should be among them. The Nightsister reached for her sword next to her and stood up while the Knights of Ren came to a halt, surrounding her in half a circle. 

The Nightsister could take care of [Y/N]’s stiff muscles. 

“She’s mine,” [Y/N] uttered, a dangerous tone setting in her voice as she concentrated on her opponent, and the rest of the Knights took a step back as she took one forward. 

“W-who are you? What do you want?” The blue-haired Nightsister wrapped her thin, pale fingers around the long grip of her weapon, then lifted it out of the scabbard and revealed a sliver of the curved, single-edged, argent sword.A warning to them. A foolish endeavor. 

“The Sith artifacts,” [Y/N] said, then detached her black double-blade from her back.The Nightsister’s eyes grew bigger and she took out her sword completely, dropping the scabbard to the ground next to her feet.“Why are you protecting them? They’re useless to you.”

“They contain the story of what the Sith have done to my kind. To my foremothers.” Anger showed on her face, and she took on a defensive stance. 

[Y/N] shook her head at the incongruous thinking of her opponent, and began to wield her vitro double-blade slowly over and around her hands in a front-spin. “You should’ve returned to Dathomir if storytelling was what you wanted. At least there it would’ve mattered. That was your first mistake.”

“First?”

“The second is not running away now.” [Y/N] caught the double-blade’s handle in her hands, straightened her arms, and brandished it towards her. The Nightsister jumped backward, eyed wide open, then struck her sword forward, the argent edge clanging loudly against [Y/N]’s black one. It had been a hesitant move of the Nightsister, but there was a lot of power to it. [Y/N] widened her pose, switching the double-blade with a twirl, another clang followed, and again and again, until a staccato cadence of sounds wavered through the underlit Sith temple.

Dirty jabs, quick punches and kicks were thrown from both sides to unbalance the other, or in [Y/N]’s case to taunt her opponent, while their weapons clashed for dominance.

Suddenly the Nightsister shifted her weight, took a slide and came hard at [Y/N] with a front kick to her stomach. Her muscles contracted and compressed in pain. The heavy blow forced the air out of her body, and [Y/N] scrunched her face as she stood straight and tried to regain the high ground. Lucky shot. She took deep inhalations, to stabilize her breathing, and the Nightsister backed away defensively. Too late now. [Y/N] stepped to the side, extended the double-blade along with her arm, rotating it next to her body like a club, and watched her opponent quietly. When the Nightsister’s hands gripped tighter around the handle of her sword, marking her attack, [Y/N] stopped the twirl and whipped the blunt side of her blade out at the Nightsister’s face. 

A hard and deliberate smack, without aiming to maim the Nightsister. Just yet. A crimson bruise marred her face, and pained exhalations came through her parted lips. [Y/N] grinned. The Nightsister raged and with two sprints she raised her sword and tried to strike [Y/N] down, but she quickly held the double-blade in front of her body. She stretched her arms out, forming a figure eight with the blades as they zigzagged next to her face, like paddling a boat… in the midst of a raging storm, and it warded off the hit, pushing the sword to the side. 

[Y/N] stepped forward, the blade still swinging, her eyes dead center on her opponent who moved back. “Try again,” she said. 

“Will you hurry up?” [Y/N] heard Hyo say.

The Nightsister screamed in anger as she looked behind [Y/N] at what [Y/N] assumed were the other Knights of Ren. Her argent sword fell to the ground with a soft thud. [Y/N] stared at it. What was she up to? The Nightsister opened her legs and arms, bending them slightly, and she looked up at the sky with focus. Out of nowhere streaks of light began to appear in her hands. She was summoning lightning with her dark magic. 

Well, fuck. 

[Y/N] only had seconds to act. She moved the double-blade above her head, swung it once, a powerful rotation, before the lightning could grow to a dischargeable voltage, and struck a brutal blow to her opponent. The Nightsister screamed and touched the dark blade where it connected with her chest, gashing it open down to her stomach. A fizzled out surge of electricity went through the vitro double-blade and [Y/N] felt a burning tingling on her hands. Fuck. She dropped her weapon, and its heavy weight pushed the maimed Nightsister on the ground, piercing through her further. 

[Y/N] removed her gloves, walked towards the Nightsister, and glanced at her own hands. The tissue was damaged. Slightly burned. That would require medical treatment. _Great_. She would demand the batch suit over the tank. [Y/N] put her gloves in the hidden compartment of her outer robe and crouched down next to the Nightsister, who was whimpering in agony. Blood gushed out of her mouth and chest with every breath that she barely was able to take. “Couldn’t let you do that. You should’ve opened with lightning. Final mistake,” [Y/N] said. 

The Nightsister coughed, her eyes bulging and filling up with tears, and looked up at the two moons above them. [Y/N] unhooked the holdout blaster from her hip, unlocked the safety, and put it to the Nightsister’s temple. Click. An irrevocable exhalation. The Nightsister’s head dropped to the side, and [Y/N] closed her eyes. She raised herself, wrenched her vitro double-blade out of the body, then walked towards the Knights of Ren, who had begun examining the artifacts. 

“Wasted a bullet,” Hyo said when she stood amongst them. 

[Y/N] hooked her blaster to her hip again. “Fine. If you’re ever mortally wounded, I’ll let you bleed to death.” 

“Well done,” Yoshi said as he placed his hand on her shoulder, and [Y/N] nodded… trying to erase the look of desperation in the eyes of the Nightsister out of her mind. 

They searched carefully through the items, first with their eyes then their hands. Who knew what kind of traps could be waiting to cause injuries. Hyo had had to learn the hard way. It had been amusing. Not for him though. Amongst the items, most that were unfamiliar to her, the Knights of Ren found the Sith chalice _and_ a holocron. A small, golden pyramid-shaped device with dark incantations on the sides. The Sith used it to store information. It was powered by a black crystal, and could only be opened by users of the Dark side of the Force. This would certainly prove to be useful to Kylo. He would be pleased.

Their stay on Malachor had been brief, and that was how [Y/N] preferred it. Though the fractured Sith temple had been impressive, she’d much rather return to a place where there was a functioning shower. Solid food wasn’t underrated either. Plus, she had to make sure she did not have any internal damages after the light electric shock that she suffered. 

That would be the first thing she planned on doing after they returned to the First Order, but apparently a lot had happened in the short amount of time they were gone. When they made contact to return to the _Finalizer_ , the Knights of Ren learned that the Starkiller Base had been destroyed. The super-weapon had been destroyed. Her home for so long was now gone. All the possessions she collected over the years. The small but extremely important valuables that were given to her by her parents. All gone. It was the Rebellion. This was exactly why [Y/N] thought aiming the super-weapon at them was a better choice. Then they learned their Master was transferred to the _Supremacy_ , the Star Dreadnought of the Supreme Leader, and they set course to the flagship. 

The command shuttle opened and revealed the hangar deck of the _Supremacy_. It was a chaotic jumble of crew members preparing the TIE fighter ships, the starfighter pilots readying themselves for takeoff, and out-of-formation stormtroopers. [Y/N] marched out immediately, expecting the other Knights to transport the acquired objects to a safe room. Yoshi walked up to her and communicated the locations for their individual and communal spaces. [Y/N] marked them down in her time gear, then looked at Yoshi to ask him what he was still doing next to her, but she found his helmet was turned elsewhere. She followed the direction and saw who he was looking at. Kylo was storming through the hangar to his TIE silencer. His head turned to them for only a moment, and then he got on his ship. She narrowed her eyes. What _had_ happened? Kylo seemed furious, and he wasn’t wearing his helmet… and… his face was injured. Did that happen during the destruction of the Starkiller Base? More harm caused by the insurgent scum. They had to be stopped. 

But there was a particular hierarchy when it came to the extermination of threats, even vermin, and Kylo gave her and the other Knights no subsequent orders… so she followed protocol and continued her path to the medical bay. 

The results were positive. No dragged out check-up was needed. She did, however, spend an hour in the medical bay. After a short-lived discussion with the medical crew on whether or not [Y/N] could only wear a flexpoly bacta suit — an organic compound that stimulated faster regeneration of skin tissue — on her hands because now was _not_ the time to be put under in a state of unconsciousness, [Y/N] underwent the regeneration process. Then [Y/N] took that long shower her body was craving. Exhausted, she stood under the stream of water… and tried to calm her muscles. The dark bruises on her stomach and legs had taken shape already, but even now there was no time to be wasted. Her body needed nutrition and supplements. At least as a Knight of Ren that meant solid food… not liquid diets like the stormtroopers. 

Once her stomach was filled, [Y/N] put her helmet on and left the officers’ dining room. On her way to the room for relics on the _Supremacy_ , she came across two stormtroopers. She stopped dead in her tracks and called them. 

“What’s the status? Has the Rebellion been destroyed?”

One of them checked their tablet. “Not completely, Sir. The _Raddus_ has been destroyed, but the remaining rebel fleet is currently out of effective weapons range.”

“Do we have any significant casualties?” 

“No, Sir.” 

Reassured that Kylo wasn’t dead, she dismissed them and returned to the other Knights of Ren. Battling on land was one thing, it was what she was good at, but fighting in individual starships in deep space, in no man’s land, that… was something else. It was a completely different game. She knew that Kylo was a skilled pilot, but with just the tick of a button an enemy could’ve taken him out. She was relieved that didn’t happen. She needed to speak with him. Ask him about everything that had transpired. If he was alright. How she could make things better. 

It would have to wait until after the debriefing. 

The room was similar to the one on the _Finalizer_ , a ring-shaped table, chairs, and dark walls, except that there was a research lab next to it. The Knights of Ren would have to assist in and oversee the research that would be done into the artifacts they acquired. For now, the six of them sat around the table and looked at a hologram of Kylo, who was listening to Yoshi as he went through the details of their mission, the performances of the Knights, and the preliminary results after finding the artifacts. Kylo’s face was expressionless and it made the ruffled locks of his dark hair stand out more. His responses were brief. An expressionless face, and yet somehow he seemed unhinged. Kylo instructed the Knights of Ren to start the verification process of the artifacts, and his hologram dissolved from the middle of the table. 

[Y/N] yawned and leaned back on her chair, her fingers massaging the temples of her head and still not understanding, when she received a textual translation of a message on her time gear. A coordinate. From Kylo’s comlink. 

She got up, put her helmet back on, and left the room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not to worry. Plenty of Kylo in the next chapter...


	4. The Supremacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Y/N] tries to talk with Kylo about... everything that has happened.

The black hallway was empty, so [Y/N] pressed the door annunciator and heard a piercing sound coming from behind it. Silence. She shifted her weight, and waited. Footsteps approached. With a whizz the door slid open, and Kylo stood in front of her. Towering. Emotionless. There was a faint pull at her heart. An edge settling in her bruised stomach. Sullen, weary eyes told her to enter. So she did. She thought she was exhausted, but he looked worse off than her. 

The door closed behind her, and she removed her helmet and placed it on a counter. “Hey.” 

“Hello.” His voice was soft, gentle even. [Y/N] wasn’t used to it. It unnerved her further. “The key to my room,” Kylo said, and entered the encoded form into her time gear so next time she would not have to use the door annunciator. 

“Thanks,” [Y/N] said, and arranged her hair after he let go of her wrist. She glanced around the room. It was darker than the one on the _Finalizer_ , and seemed less spacious. The white wall lights barely casted any brightness into the room. It was dim. Moody. She could see the dining area and sitting area. Both areas in one room. She wondered about his meditation chamber. Would he have that here too? “This is different.” 

“Yes.” He didn’t look anywhere but at her. 

She removed her gloves and returned the favor. His black locks seemed less tousled now than on the hologram. As though he made an effort to appear more in control for her. Or maybe more appealing. She wasn’t sure which amused her more. The scar that tread over half his face, though, did not amuse her at all. 

“What happened to your face?”

He stared at the floor, murmuring, “Can we… can we just not talk right now?” 

“Ok…” She threw her gloves on the counter too. 

There was a lack of power behind his words, a loss of sheen in his eyes. Another tug at her heart. Less faint this time. She wanted to wrap her arms around him, but then he looked back at her and lifted her up without a word. His ungloved hands on her hips, her legs encircling his waist, their lips touching instantly. 

There was that power she was so comfortable with. 

Deep and hungry kisses engulfed her lips with flames of passion as he strode to his bedroom.He bit and sucked. All tongue and fury. Her exposed skin was not safe from him. Kylo laid her down on his bed, and with freed hands he pulled her figure closer to his, touching her everywhere. The palm of his hand roamed over her curves, squeezing where she was soft, urging her with his nails to give him what he wanted. All of her. But it was not enough like this. He almost ripped her uniform off her body, the untamed force of his hands sending fires throughout her body. [Y/N] gasped, her breasts exposed, his hands squeezing, and Kylo pushed his tongue deeper inside of her mouth, tasting every part of her. He lowered his head, his lips burning her skin wherever he dragged them. The nape of her neck. Her collarbone. Her shoulders. The bone between her breasts. Her hardened nipples. Her sensitive sides. It made her breathing so heavy… heavy with need for him. 

Kylo got rid of her shoes and pants, and his plump lips persisted on her legs, his teeth grazing over her inner thigh. Her fingers curled and twisted his dark locks, steering him in her desired direction. The edge she was feeling earlier was entirely replaced by an unbearable tension that invaded and coiled up in the pit of her stomach. He had worked up her so easily, and she wanted more. [Y/N] moaned in annoyance when he skipped passed her cunt and put his lips on her mouth again. Her body was burning. Wanting. Needing. Aching. 

Desperate for him. 

After some struggling she got the upper hand, and began to undress him. Two could play his game of torture. She threw his belt, the tunic and his undershirt on the floor next to his bed, then bent over his legs to unfasten the straps on his leather boots. The first three straps were unfastened when Kylo sat up and his hand grabbed her ass tightly. She raised herself and glanced back over her shoulder. He was looking back at her, his eyes predatory, his jaw locked, and his fingers wriggled inside her panties until he found her folds. _Hmm_. She was so wet at this point that his fingers slid between her folds with ease. She bit her lip in anticipation, their stares locked on one another, and she unfastened the fourth strap of his booth with a click. His fingers pressed against her cunt, circling the entrance, then slid inside. She moaned softly, appreciatively, and rested her body flat on his legs as he began to thrust at a slow pace. 

His fingers were not enough, but the pressure he was building was a damn good start. [Y/N]’s hips moved along with his hand, involuntarily working herself up more so she’d get closer to her release, when Kylo withdrew his fingers from her cunt. 

“The other shoe,” he said, his voice was more demanding now, and she didn’t protest to any of it. She was happy it was there. She unfastened the other straps then removed his boots while he sucked on his fingers one by one and watched her follow his orders. 

Then he pulled her back on his lips, stormy kisses, sloppy and blazing. He shoved her down on her back, moved her face to the side, and struck her neck with more bites and sucks. She was whimpering now, her body writhing underneath him as he kept her in place. Consuming her. His erect cock pressed against her belly, not on her cunt. Wanting. Needing. Aching. 

She was close to begging. 

But she wouldn’t. Not this time. She wiggled out of his grasp and used all her strength to push him off her. He smirked, then tugged her on top of him. Her hands fell on his chest, pushing the air out of his lungs, and she settled on his thick leg… her cunt rubbing up against it. Finally some friction. 

Kissing again. Biting again. Sucking and squeezing again. 

Her hand slithered underneath his pants and wrapped around his cock. She added pressure and jerked him off. Hard. Fast. Dangerously. Two could play that fucking game. Kylo’s lips fell open and he stifled a moan, his eyebrows crunching, while his nails broke and bruised the skin on her hips. The pain only made it worse for her, she dropped her head on his chest, and rubbed her cunt harder against his thigh. The tension in his muscles hit her clit just the right way, giving her some sort of pleasure in all this wretchedness. 

Kylo grabbed her wrist, panting heavily, and restricted her power over him. 

“I want you inside of me,” she said, struggling not to moan as the muscles in her legs had grown tense from dragging her cunt over his thigh repeatedly.

“Not yet. Let me enjoy the view some more,” Kylo said, and wrapped his hand in her hair, then pulled her near his face. Her lips opened in a silent moan. This fucking agony. She pushed herself down harder on his leg. He smirked, and watched her intently. “So needy… you have to ride my thigh.” 

“ _Hmm_. Since you’re not in a giving mood… I’ve got to take what I can.”

He brought her face closer to his lips, lingering there. “Then take it.” He sucked on her bottom lip, and pushed his leg up. “Show me how you come for me. Just for me.”

“You’d like that, hm?” She kissed him back with twice the gusto he gave her. 

“Yes.”

[Y/N] pushed herself up on his chest, forcing her clit down harder on his thigh, and moved arduously against him. Her eyes closed in concentration. Wanting. Needing. Aching. The friction was smooth, her moist panties moved easily over the rough fabric of his pants. Fast and slick. She was wet with her desire for him. Her cunt was so sore at this point, because he still hadn’t filled her up. 

“More…” Kylo demanded, and his fingers dug in her legs, dragging them up and down, making her fall harder. “More…”

Soothing. The sensation was coming closer to being soothing, and she rolled her hips back and forth faster, almost reaching her pinnacle as her moans became deeper. _Ohh_ , so close. 

“That’s it. Let it out,” Kylo urged her on, and she opened her eyes and glanced down at him. 

She stopped her rolls and tilted her head. “Thought you didn’t want to talk?” She said, then crawled over his body, all the way to his face and sat on top of him. Hovering only for a second to give Kylo time to react. Barely any time to react. He could react by ripping her panties apart and eating her out. And he did. His arms wrapped around her legs immediately, and he ate her out like a man starved. Tasting her. Licking her. She sighed. _Fuck_ , his mouth was soothing on her cunt. Those full lips knew how to suck her into oblivion. That brittle tongue put her on her edge with his fast flicks. “ _Ahhh_ , I like it better when you shut up.” 

A firm slap against her ass, and she almost choked on her words. 

The pain was sharp and stung, traveling all the way to her core. Her body shook. She glanced down at his face, his darkened eyes warning her to be careful as he kept lapping his tongue over her clit. “Hmm, _fuck_. Do that again.” [Y/N] barely got the words out when he slapped her ass again, making her grow more startled and aroused.

[Y/N] grabbed his hair, keeping a tight rein on Kylo, and rode his face as she got closer. The muscles in her hips and legs were hurting, and her moans came out unsteadily while Kylo sucked harder on her clit. The strain that had coiled in the pit of her stomach was ready to shatter. Wanting. Needing. Aching. Her body finally got everything when the tension released itself up to her chest and down to her toes in stormy surges. 

Her thighs trembled, then her body went slack. Kylo propped her up and threw her down next to him, then flipped her around. 

“Get on your knees.” Kylo breathed heavily, his voice laced with desire, and he removed his pants and boxer briefs. 

Her chest was still reeling from the aftermath of her orgasm, rising and falling erratically. Almost painfully. And she wasn’t sure if she was able to move her legs.

“Now.” She heard him raise his voice as he sat back down on the bed, and she pushed herself up on her knees. Wobbling. Whimpering. Savoring. “Look at me.” She inhaled deeply, then turned her head towards him. His hands explored her ass, her sore ass, and he squeezed. She whimpered again. His other hand slithered over her back to her shoulders where he attached it in her hair, and pulled her body up against him. “That’s right.”

[Y/N] felt his cock rubbing between her folds and coming to a halt at her cunt. Her sore cunt. She still needed that. Kylo turned her head further towards him, kissed her softly on the lips, then placed his other hand on her throat, adding some pressure, and buried his cock inside of her completely with one shove. A sharp twinge at her entrance. _Fuck_. She gasped. Her eyes closed, her mouth opened, and she moaned loudly. He immediately pounded in and out of her, the feeling of being filled up overriding any thought she could have had. 

When she opened her eyes again, his had clouded over with a carnal focus. The hand that was on her throat moved down to her clit, and he flicked his fingers over it, making her tense up and contract her muscles. _Fuck_ , it was still overwhelming. Kylo moaned and pushed her back down on her arms, his plunges coming in rougher. The wet slide of his cock into her cunt was maddening. The bed began to creak vehemently with every brutal thrust. 

And those heady groans. 

She fisted her hands in the sheet by her face, to give him more counterforce, but _fucccck._ He was brutal. [Y/N] let her body go slack on the bed. She let him fuck her. She let him have his way with her. He laid down on top of her to take more. To feel more. The loud smacks of her ass against his hips added a pained pleasure to the way he stretched her. And he fucked her harder, and harder, and harder. 

Untamed, only instinct. 

Nails deep into her skin. 

No thoughts, just touch. 

And his touch felt so fucking good. Kylo’s grunts and groans were loud and guttural, they echoed through the room like damn music to her ears… until his body stiffened on top of her, and all she heard was his heavy breathing. He fell down next to her, heaving. [Y/N] smiled when she looked at him and let the fatigue of fucking sink into her tired bones. She was worn out. 

A spent body. A sated mind. 

Her eyes closed again, her thoughts returning, drifting, all too aware of all the satisfyingly aching sensations and muscles in her body when Kylo wrapped her in his arms. 

“You always mess me up,” he mumbled. 

She smiled again, nestling herself in his arms. “Is that so?” 

“Yes.” He squeezed her arm, and she grinned, but then felt his lips on hers. He was calm again. His kisses were slow, but greedy. The way they always were after they had fucked. 

“Sure felt good to reconvene again,” [Y/N] said, and opened her eyes. 

Kylo was staring back at her. “You feel good…”

“Oh, yeah? Where?” 

“Everywhere.” 

“Be specific,” [Y/N] said, and tapped the tip of her finger on his sticky lips.

With a sudden tug, Kylo pulled [Y/N] even closer to his chest, then let his hand roam over her figure once more, coming to a stop at different places to point, to squeeze, to slap… “Here.” He pointed at the space between her breasts, then cupped her breast before he continued. “Here.” Kylo tugged her hair, and she clenched her jaw, trying not to whimper. “Here” His finger outlined her shoulder blade. “Here.” He tapped the small of her back, then slapped her a little lower, making her laugh. “Here.” He kissed her slowly on the lips, and she sighed. It went on like that. He really meant everywhere. 

It was kind of unthinkable that this was the level of comfort that they had grown into with each other. When she first met him, she was only a cadet. Still training to become an official member of the First Order. Her perseverance, and the pressure of her father, ensured she made it through the orientation. Not with ease, but she had a drive. And that drive got her in front of Kylo and the Supreme Leader a year later. It made her part of a select group, who were considered the most competent, the most fanatic, the most ruthless, and got to participate in an elite program… to become a Knight of Ren. His knights. The Supreme Leader and Kylo chose her then. Four years ago. She worked her ass off for it. Her body would forever be marked with some of her sacrifices. 

She never knew what they saw in her _exactly_. And she wasn’t sure if she was still the same person today. Probably not. War changed everyone. What she did know was that she had been part of the war against the Republic for five years. And right now she was tired. 

Kylo kissed her on the lips and that stopped her from giving into her fatigue. It wasn’t just a physical attraction. Working together on a day-to-day basis, learning about him and Lord Vader, mastering new fighting styles with him… Yeah, it certainly built the sexual tension. They were also very young. And the First Order didn’t consider that even during wartime people needed to release that kind of tension. But there was more. The thought that receiving his affection would secure her position, and possibly help flourish it, also crossed her mind. But in the end, their relationship transcended shallow needs. She began to care for him. She worried about his well-being. She noticed the small changes in his mood and _wanted_ to make him feel better. She… she cared more than she could show. 

“Ow…” [Y/N] complained against his lips when his hand grasped her thigh. He removed his hand, and she saw the darkened bruise. 

“The Nightsister?” Kylo asked, and she nodded. “All of these bruises?” 

“Hm, no, this one’s yours.” She pointed just above her hip and he smiled, then gave it a soft tap. She whimpered and he kissed her ferociously.  

[Y/N] traced her finger over his face, and he dipped it, trying to evade, but she was going to find out now. They had fucked. It was time for him to talk. “What happened here?” 

“A lightsaber.”

“A lightsaber? Skywalker?” She quirked her eyebrow.

“No… A girl. The Force is strong in her.”

“She did this to you?” [Y/N] asked, but he didn’t say anything. She considered it an answer nonetheless. The scar crossed half of his face and went down to his shoulder and pec. It could’ve been much more damaging. It could’ve been lethal. Kylo’s nails dug in her hip where he had bruised her before, and she stopped her line of thinking. She pecked him instead. “And the Starkiller Base? Was that her too?”

“The Rebellion.” 

“Is _she_ a part of it?”

“Yes.”

“And this?” She touched the healing wound on the side of his waist, and he shifted. It looked like a blaster shot. 

“That was Chewie…” 

“Who?” 

“Han… My father’s best friend. Co-pilot.”

“The Wookie?” She asked, and he nodded. “How did that happen?” With some reluctance he finally told her what he had done. What exactly had happened on the Starkiller Base. How the Rebellion was able to destroy it… It was bad. It was all bad. But what shocked her most of all… “You killed your own father? Kylo, _why_?” 

His jaw clenched, it looked like he was trying not to snap at her, but she really didn’t care. This was insane. “To fulfill my training. To stop feeling so damn conflicted.”

“Conflicted about what?” She asked and he evaded her eyes. “About _what_?”

“The pull to the light.” 

“You killed your father for _that_?” Her voice raised. She didn’t mean for it to happen, but she was shocked. And that did not happen easily. 

He couldn’t look at her. “Yes.”

“And did it work?”

“Yes.” 

“ _Really_?”

“Yes.”

Still no fucking eye-contact. He was full of shit. “Why are you fucking lying?” 

“Don’t talk to me like—” His head snapped back to her, the annoyance clear in his eyes.

“Then don’t lie to me.” She bit back, then put her hand on his chest soothingly, listening to his heartbeat, trying to calm him down, and herself. It worked. Sort of. It would have to do. “How… how are you doing?” 

“I’m angry,” Kylo said coolly, but she heard the desperation. “The Supreme Leader treats me like a child after I killed my father to prove my worth. I gave _everything_ to him.”

“Why? Why did he want you to kill your own father?” 

“So I wouldn’t succumb to sentiment like my grandfather did. A moment’s error… that apparently caused the Old Empire to fall. I didn’t though. _I_ was not seduced. _I_ didn’t succumb to sentiment. I killed my father.”  Kylo let out a long and audible breath, and [Y/N] wondered what he was trying to let go of. His grief? His shame? His anger? “Maybe my father was right… It will never be enough. Skywalker. My father. My mother too. He wants them all dead.” He reached for her hand. “You… if he ever finds out.” 

What? She was willing to die for him, he knew that, all the Knights of Ren were. But she was not willing to die like that. The thought sickened her, it made her stomach churn. 

“I can feel your worry…” His voice was soft, and yet somehow it was insistent. Why did he even tell her she could be a casualty too? Did he want her afraid? Did he want her gone? 

She pushed the worry away, since he was all too aware of it, and changed the subject. “Your mother? Is she? Was she on the ship that got destroyed?”

“Yes.”

“She’s dead?” Disbelief spread over her face. He didn’t answer her. It was a confirmation. Both his parents were dead. “You’d kill me too?”

Kylo’s voice broke. “I didn’t kill my mother. I-I couldn’t do it.”

“Does the Supreme Leader know?” He shook his head at that question, and looked away again.She sat up. She was away for a few days and suddenly things had spiraled out of control. He was in way over his head, and she…. she… “I-I don’t know what to think. I should go.”

“Don’t.” Kylo grabbed her arm instinctively, and when she looked at it he let go. “Please don’t leave,” he mumbled, and she nodded her head as she laid back down. “Spend the night.” 

“Fine, but I don’t know—”

“I don’t know either. I’m… I’m lost.” Kylo peeked at her through his dark lashes. Those sharp and lustrous eyes that she adored, she didn’t see them anymore. He did seem lost. He had been lost for a while now. “I’m afraid.”  

“I’m afraid too.”

“Of me?”

“A little…”

Kylo turned away from her, laying flat on his back, and stopped touching her… as if she had hurt his feelings. She didn’t mean to do that… but he asked. She slid towards him, against his chest, closing the distance between them again, making sure they were touching. “Don’t do that. I—”

“You’re smart. It’s what I always liked about you.”

“Don’t say that! Don’t tell me I’m right to be afraid of you.” 

“It’s true, isn’t it. I killed my own father. I let my mother die. And I _will_ kill Skywalker. I am a monster.”

Her head was hurting. All this information was wearing her down quickly… but still she leaned into him. “You’re not. Not to me.”

“No? What am I then?” Kylo was staring at the ceiling. 

“You’re my Master.” She raised her head, and gazed at his dulled face. “You’re my… lover. You know how I feel.”

Kylo turned his stare towards her. “I’m your golden ticket to power.”

“That too.” She smiled, and Kylo laughed. It was the first laugh she’d gotten from him in days. His laughs were strong and loud, and made his chest move along with him. It tugged at her heartstrings to see him like that. She didn’t see it enough. His laughs were illustrative of his heart. Feeling and uncompromising. But then his laughter died down, his mind seemed to take over, and regret set in his face again. All she saw was weariness now. 

Life had been rough for him. It had been for most children with politically-active parents in the aftermath of the Galactic Civil War… like with her, but at least her parents were around, and they showed they cared. Too much at times. 

She never experienced abandonment like he did. 

Over the years Kylo had told her bits of his past, and she was able to put the pieces together. Han Solo couldn’t be tied down. Not even by a son. And he really didn’t know how to deal with a Force-sensitive one. He didn’t understand the Force, nor did he make an effort to understand Kylo. 

[Y/N] understood wanting to be accepted, wanting approval. It was how she ended up here: working for the First Order. It was why she chose this life. She was satisfied with her life now, but getting her father’s approval… if she would have known it felt this underwhelming, she might’ve chosen a different path for herself. One that involved less violence. Less death… by her hand. Compartmentalizing that was hard sometimes, especially when the people she killed didn’t really deserve it. 

Like the Nightsister. 

That thought weighed on her. All of it did. One of the good things about this never-ending and ruthless efficiency within the First Order was that it didn’t allow her a lot of time to breathe. No time to think. Thinking… it… sometimes it made things harder. Harder to get through the day. Harder to remain detached.

Sometimes there were positives to not thinking… 

“You’re making it worse,” Kylo said, and he nudged her out of her thoughts. 

“I’m sorry.” She should know better. It was hard to keep her mind closed off and her thoughts guarded from him, when so much crazy shit had happened. She didn’t normally wear her emotions so openly. “I don’t mean to.” 

“Just… come here.” Kylo pulled [Y/N] in her arms, kissing her deeply, trying to snuff out the conversation and her loud thoughts. It was working. As his kisses grew hungrier once again, his hand explored. He made sure to touch every part of her… and when he reached her cunt, he didn’t bother working her up. She was still slick. Wet from the both of them. She encouraged him on with her moans, and he grew hard again. After some minutes Kylo extracted his finger, dragged it over her figure and pointed it to her. “Let’s get you cleaned up.” 

[Y/N] reached for his wrist and sucked slowly on his finger that was slick of them. Kylo’s eyes glazed over with fire. “Not what I meant, but it will do,” Kylo said, and kissed her, like a man possessed, and she laughed and pushed him off of her, then walked to his bathroom. 

She turned on the shower, a hot spray of water came out of the shower head almost instantly, the privileges of being a commander. The perks of fucking one in her case. [Y/N] sighed and let her muscles finally come to rest under the warm water. A wasted effort, because a moment later Kylo joined her and made sure all her muscles were under extreme duress. Again. 

Still needing to relax after that, she remained in the shower after he got out. The hot water had run out, but ice-cold water was good for sore muscles too. And by now they were definitely sore. Once her body became numb and her mind lighter, she turned the water off and dried her body. She walked to his bedroom to put some clothes on, her undershirt maybe, when she heard Kylo’s voice coming from the living area. He was talking to someone but she couldn’t hear who. She neared the pneumatic door, but remained next to it so it wouldn’t open up, and listened. 

**“Your parents threw you away like garbage. They did. And you can’t stop needing them. It’s your greatest weakness. Looking for them everywhere. In Han Solo. Now in Skywalker. Did he tell you what happened that night? No. He sensed my power. As he senses yours, and he feared it.”**

What the? Who was he talking with, and so openly about his private affairs? [Y/N] grabbed the rest of her uniform and threw it on quickly. More sounds came in, in the meantime. 

**“Let the past die. Kill it. If you have to. That’s the only way you’ll become what you’re meant to be.”**

After he stopped talking, she waited another minute… to put her boots on and to make sure the conversation wasn’t continuing. Then she walked up to a half-naked Kylo in the living area, who was setting the dining table for them. “What was that? Who were you talking to?” She tried to keep the emotion out of her voice. 

“Nobody,” Kylo said as he turned towards her. 

Her face scrunched up with concentration. He had been talking about the Force. His family. “It was _her_. The girl.” Who could’ve killed him.

Silence. Fucking confirmation.

“Why were you talking to her? And how?”

“I want her to join.” 

“ _You_?”

“The Dark side.”

“You want her to join _you_. And then what? Kill the past? _Kill_? I thought you — you know what…” Her headache was back. With a vengeance this time. “I’ve had a long day. Wouldn’t want to bother you with my thoughts. I’m going.” 

“[Y/N]!”

“Don’t stop me. I’m serious.” She put her helmet on her head and left his private quarters. Just before the door closed, she heard objects breaking loudly. Clenching her hands in frustration, she stormed back to her room.


	5. The End of the After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren has a point to prove... but so does [Y/N].

A buzzing. There was an insistent buzzing. It was time. [Y/N]’s hand moved to her wrist, and she tapped on her time gear. No more buzzing. She objected nonetheless, and turned to her side on her cabin bed. Mornings were rough, and her days were long and cold. It made the mornings rougher. But her protests were in vain, because the the world continued on.

Four hours of sleep. That’s how much she got for her body and mind to recuperate itself. She would have had more, had she not been busying herself with… recreation. Her muscles were still sore from the engagement she had had with the Nightsister, and then from the one with Kylo. She did like to get busy, but she was paying the price now. [Y/N] hauled her depleted body out of bed and into the shower. A cold one. It woke her up. Red around her eyes, but awake.

She did her business, brushed her teeth and put her uniform on. The few personal items that she kept on the  _Finalizer_  had not been flown over to the  _Supremacy_  yet, so today she would have to do without any creams. And her perfume. And the letters from her baby sister. And without the locket from her mother. The things that kept her safe. And human. She could not think about all her personal belongings that got destroyed along with the Starkiller Base. All the photographs of her loved ones that she had not seen in years. No. Don’t think. [Y/N] glanced towards the wash-basin. There was antiperspirant. Fortunately someone in the First Order cared enough to make that part of the bare essentials.

After [Y/N] put on her boots and helmet, she trudged through the underlit hallways of the  _Supremacy_. They were always dark. Everything was dark in space. And burdensome. Every day she convened with the other Knights of Ren for their daily briefing. Discussed the status of the gathered artifacts, tackled any supplementary complications, and considered future endeavors… based on what Kylo needed from them of course.

As Yoshi was about to start the meeting, the pneumatic door slid open and Kylo entered the conference room. An actual appearance. Not just a hologram. He actually bothered to grace them with his appearance. His head turned to her, his eyes quiet yet revealing, and she told herself to stop thinking so loudly. They went through their agenda like clockwork. Yoshi spoke of many things, obsequious and sycophantic, without letting a word in from others. Not everyone seemed to mind as much as her. Maybe they were bored… or tired. Kylo listened mostly, then brought up the Amulet of Kalara. A Sith amulet infused with dark energy… that according to ancient stories was able to turn its possessor invisible in the Force.  

This was bullshit. [Y/N] mulled over the mission as she tried to keep her thoughts tranquil, but Kylo’s glaring eyes turned her way. She evaded it, so she would not rouse suspicion amongst the others. Still, she could not help but wonder why they were already discussing a new artifact, why he was ordering them to seek for it so soon after their last seizure. It had been a simple mission, but she was fucking exhausted. And really, it was only hours since they had returned, and they had not done any fieldwork for the next one yet. Kylo was changing protocol and no one seemed to care. Not enough to question him. She might not have done so either… But she could not help it after last night. He had spoken of killing the past, so why were they even focusing on it? That amulet, if it even was around, was centuries old. Had he not said to  _the girl_  to kill the past… so what were they doing? Why was Kylo sending them away again?

She glanced back at Kylo and found Yoshi staring her way. Had he… had he noticed something? “We are set to leave in under four hours. Make preparations and set your time gear,” Yoshi said, and everyone set their timers. He seemed calm and collected, like that look meant nothing, but she knew better.

Kylo glanced around the room then focused his gaze on her, his fingers tapping on the ring-shaped table. “That leaves plenty of time for training. Unarmed combat. I want to see progress.” Kylo lingered, then glanced back at the others for a response. When he did not get it, he added, “Unless there’s somewhere else you  _all_  would like to be.”

He was surprisingly subtle. Everyone agreed to the training.

After they entered one of the training rooms, their helmets, boots, socks, gloves, and some shirts came off. The Knights stretched their bodies, some more dramatically than others, and waited to be paired up for a sparring round. Yoshi against Hyo. The oldest against the youngest. An interesting choice by Kylo. Yoshi won. It was to be expected. Hyo was very eager, but he thought too much. Sahan and Zaki came next, which meant [Y/N] would be paired up with Mira. The two females together. A boring choice. When Kylo instructed them, she rolled her eyes. It was a surprise to no one that they were up next.

“Is there a problem, [Y/L/N]?” He asked, having noticed the eye roll.

“No, Master Ren.”

“I’m  _more_  than happy to set you up with someone else.”

She entwined her hands in front of her. His sarcasm was annoying. “It’s fine.”

“Anyone else here who  _does_  meet your criteria? Sahan perhaps?” Kylo pointed towards a bloodied Sahan, who stepped forward.

[Y/N] tried not to show her emotions, but he was testing her. And she was not in the mood for his theatrics. Not after his bullshit last night. Breathing in slowly, she nodded. “Whatever you wish, Master Ren.”

“Is that so?” Kylo tilted his head, and unfastened his lightsaber from his belt, then put it on the ground. With long strides he was in the middle of the training room, waiting for her, and the others watched silently. Some more amused than others. “Then let’s get to it.”

“Excuse me, Master Ren?”

“Get here.  _Now_. Looks like you need to be taught a lesson.”

She held back the automatic need to say anything else or roll her eyes again, knowing it would only make things worse. Now was not the time to be pushing him further. That was done in private. [Y/N] walked towards where he gestured her, coming to a halt a few feet away when their eyes met. His were was sharp and focused, and somewhere in the pit of her stomach the intensity of his stare thrilled her. Kylo rolled back his shoulders and bent his knees, lowering himself into a predatory stance. She raised her arms defensively, her hands clenching into fists, and breathed in deeply… trying to zero in on whatever he had in store for her.

She could have the upper hand in the sparring session. Might even win, but it would hurt. The both of them. Kylo was not as equipped in unarmed combat as he was in fighting with a lightsaber. He tended to do all his training with his weapon in his hand, and she trained every day with and without weapons. Still, he was stronger than her. Much stronger. He had more reach, and he didn’t hold back. But she was brutal too, and aiming for his weak spots to induce maximum damage was the way to get the better of him.

She wondered if that was the smart play though… since this semblance of force was about putting her in her place in front of the others.

That didn’t mean she should make it easy on him…

The other Knights stood on the sideline, watching closely. It was time to perform. She exhaled and tried to ignore their presence. Kylo took a step, and she did nothing. Just watched him, and waited for his attack. Quick hook punches aimed at her face, which she evaded with ease. They circled each other, a hint of amusement visible when the corner of her mouth quirked up, and then he got closer again to throw another punch. [Y/N] ducked, but defended herself with an uppercut elbow strike against his jaw. His head flicked backwards, and she took a step towards the rear.

Kylo did not look not amused.

A shake of his head, then he suddenly lunged at her. A hard and heavy swing, but she ducked again. He had anticipated it this time, and threw a punch on her chest. She recoiled, but when he grabbed her by the shoulders she managed to put a knee behind his leg and use his strength against him. He fell to the floor, and she widened her stance, then raised her rear leg vertically to strike him with the heel of her foot, but he grabbed it with one hand and jabbed her inner thigh with the other.

She held back a yell and fell down on her knees, her hand rubbing over the muscles he had abused, and with a deep breath she pushed herself up. As did he.

Kylo pounded roughly at her face, the flesh of her lips breaking and blood dripping down. He made it harder to dodge the quickening blows without getting whiplash. She stepped out of his range, and rotated her body to pivot her foot right in his face, but Kylo brought his arms up to defend himself. He slammed her leg down, and continued advancing with hard and heavy hits aimed at her head, her chest and stomach.

She ducked down.

She raised her arms.

She stepped aside.

He was relentless.

Within minutes she was out of breath, and the whole time his lower body was open for attack, but she remained defensive, blocking or evading his attacks instead of striking herself… but now that she was running out of breath, it was time for a different strategy. And when Kylo finally used his legs to attack her, she countered. He kicked. Something he rarely did, and should not have. She immediately caught the kick, softening the blow against her side.

She stepped back, dropped the leg, and beat him with a spinning back elbow against his face.  A loud whack. Using her speed, she used his own strength again to drop him to his knees. Then she quickly swung her dominant arm around his neck, her other arm locking with it in a tight bolt that pressed on the artery in his neck, already starting the process of inducing unconsciousness. His nails dug into her skin as he tried to break her hold over him. She added more pressure. Kylo threw one hand back at her side repeatedly, but even with his long arms, his punches did not have enough force in this position. And she could keep him down. She could take the blows.

Then she felt him slow down his breathing, making her mind race, and she immediately added more pressure to his throat trying to speed up the process, but his focus was strong and he ungainly lifted himself, and hurled her over his shoulder as he pushed out his breath with a loud grunt. She  barely had time to respond, but the adrenaline made her curl up. She landed with a smack on her side as her body thumped loudly on the floor. Somewhere in the back she heard noises coming from the other Knights of Ren, but the crushing pain that shot through her ribs forced that out. Instead a spikelike pressure was infecting the rest of her figure as the accelerated beating between her breasts thudded loudly until she could feel her heart in her throat. She groaned, and rolled on her back then dragged herself away from him on her elbows. The more distance between them… the more time she had to push away every distressed sensation in her body that was clouding any string of thought that still ran through her mind.

Kylo heaved as he caught his breath, angry eyes transfixed on her, hands fisting next to his bent figure, but he did not move towards her.

Maybe he needed time. Maybe he was giving it to her.

“Get up!” He said, his anger just as apparent in his voice. And after some stumbles, she lifted herself. Her body bent. One hand on her side. The other holding her belly.

A heavy breath. Another one. Then she showed him her fists again, and he came at her.

Two strides was all it took for an uppercut punch to land on her stomach, and her scream was cut short. The air thrusted out of her lungs, and she staggered backward, trying not to lose her balance. That was not fucking nice. And not playing dirty was becoming increasingly more difficult by the minute.

He came at her again, no time wasted now, and threw another punch straight to her face. She shifted quickly, barely. Using the momentum, she grabbed his wrist and used her elbow to strike his arm. A rough jab on his elbow, and his arm curved downward, restricting his mobility. Next up was her knee. She raised it roughly, aiming at his weakest spot, but he blocked it. Her move was dirty, but the gnawing pain she experienced canceled out her more rational thoughts. Instinct took over. So she slammed her foot on his waist, where she knew his wound was still fresh. He sucked in his breath, the pain showing on his face. Another kick, another punch, and somehow Kylo had struggled through his pain and grappled her. Her movements became restricted. She writhed in suppressed fury, and he took his—  

“Sir… Forgive me…” A meek voice came from behind them.

“ _WHAT_  is it?” Kylo dragged her along with him, as he turned around towards the stormtrooper, who was standing by the door.

“The Supreme Leader requests your presence… Sir.”

Kylo let go of her body, and she faced him immediately, her arms up, ready to block. Ready to attack. “I’m not done with you yet,” He said coolly, and relief took over her.

She contorted her body, hands on her knees, inhaling deeply, trying to slow down the punishing reverberation of her heart.

As Kylo walked to the door he rolled his shoulders back, and pressed one hand against his wound. His lightsaber flew through the air until he caught it in his other hand, and a quick glance was given to Yoshi. “We’ll reconvene after the mission,” she heard Kylo say to him, and it angered her further.

The pneumatic door closed with a soft whiz and while the other Knights gathered their things, Mira walked towards [Y/N] with a small white cloth between her fingers, and handed it over to [Y/N]. Begrudgingly she dabbed it over the back of her neck, her forehead, then her mouth, staining the cloth with her sweat and blood.

“I need a shower,” [Y/N] grumbled.

Mira nodded. “You spared me that.”  

“Yeah.” It really wasn’t about Mira.

“Yoshi’s looking your way. That means you’re not off the hook yet.”

[Y/N] groaned. “Bullshit.”

“Keep that up,” Mira quirked her eyebrow, and [Y/N] laughed at the defiance in her tone. “See you in three hours.”  She gathered her helmet and moved towards the door

“Less,” [Y/N] added while Mira rolled her eyes at the accuracy.

The conversation with Yoshi was exasperating. He asked how she was doing, whether there was something that was making her feel different about their cause. He feigned something resembling kindness to question her loyalty. Too transparent. She preferred fear. At least his questions revealed that he was way off track, and that was where she preferred him. [Y/N] shook her head in annoyance at the thought as she headed back to her room to shower and get more sleep, before she had to gear up and venture out into deep space again.

Always competing, she was always competing.  

She never understood why Kylo made Yoshi the overseer of the Knights, when she had proven to be more competent. Just because he had more notches on his belt when it came to violence it did not mean he made a good right-hand man. He was decent, but [Y/N] was better. So it irked her that Kylo had given to Yoshi what belonged to her. In a way she was what Yoshi could never be. She was the one who Kylo came to in his time of need, but no one got to know about how she had won the competition no one even knew was going on. No recognition.

[Y/N] didn’t let hardship or unfair situations get under her skin easily, she couldn’t afford to in her business, but she was brimming with emotions since last night. Maybe since Malachor… Everything had been rubbing her the wrong way.

She had to get herself together.

After two hours of sleep and a long cold shower that was easier to do. [Y/N] changed back into her uniform, trying to keep the movement of her sore muscles to a bare minimum, then went to the Dark Room to put on her armor and pick out her weapon. Same thing as always, her cleaned and sharpened vitro double-blade, she was a creature of habit when it came to shielding and weaponry. She attached the double-blade to the back of her uniform, and trod through the empty hallways to the hangar deck. Then she heard the heavy footsteps of someone else behind her who was rapidly approaching her. The tread sped up, forceful and menacing, and her hand palmed the holdout blaster that was fastened on her belt.

When the steps paced her rhythm, she glanced to the side and saw Kylo staring at her. She dropped her hand to her side, slackening the muscles in her fingers. “Master Ren,” she said and looked in front of her again, but then he grabbed her by the waist, and shoved her into the first private area with a door. It was a fucking broom closet. “Kylo,  _what_  are you doing?” She asked when he locked the door with a code.

“Teaching you a lesson,” he said, and removed her helmet, releasing it next to them.  

She looked down at her helmet and sighed, her patience was wearing thin. “In what?”

“Obedience.” His hands were on her waist again, and he pushed her figure against the wall in the compact room.

“I  _am_  obedient.  _I’m_  your most faithful acolyte.” She put her fingers around his wrists, thoughts of Yoshi running through her mind once more.

“Is that why you were giving me all that attitude this morning?” Kylo asked and she kept quiet, her annoyance returning just like that. “That’s what I thought. I wouldn’t want to kill any of my knights, because you give away too much.”

“You shouldn’t piss me off.” She pushed his hands off her waist.

“Oh, I’ll do whatever I please. It’s not my life on the line if others find out. You don’t behave like that again. You hear me?” Kylo said, and she crossed her arms in defiance. He was not having it. Kylo hunched over her, the palm of his hand coming to a rest right next to her face against the wall, and his face leaning closer. She pushed out her chin, the tension filling in her loins, waiting for him to respond when she refused to. And he did. His voice came out dangerously low as he said: “Do I have to repeat myself?”

“Fine,  _Master Ren_.”

“Ok... [Y/N]. It’s good that you understand,” Kylo said, then stroked the edge of her jaw with the tip of his finger. He did not get to be pleasant now. [Y/N] moved her head away, brushing him off. Kylo furrowed his eyebrows, stood straight and rolled back his shoulders. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on with you?”

“No.”

Kylo sighed, his jaw straining. “I don’t have time for this.”

“Me either, so I’ll be leaving now.” She gestured for him to remove his arm, but when he didn’t she bit the inside of her cheek. He was infuriating. “Why are you such a—”

Kylo tilted his head. “You’ve been behaving this way after last night.  _Why_  are you angry about what you overheard?” He stared at her and she tried to not bare her thoughts to him. “You’re jealous?”

“Stop trying to analyze me!” [Y/N] gave him a faint shove, but he did not move.

“You wanted me to see.” Kylo said, and she looked up at him angrily.

“You’re insufferable. Just leave me alone! I don’t need this bullshit.” She elbowed him away, but he did not leave. She groaned in frustration. “Fine, then I’ll go.” She moved to the side, towards the door, but his hand returned on the wall, blocking her from her path.

“ _No_ , don’t… I’m sorry.” Kylo sighed as he tried to find her eyes. She inhaled deeply, and crossed her arms, then faced him again. “I should let you tell me instead of your reading your emotions. I know that… but sometimes… you’re not very forthcoming… verbally.”

“I have to be guarded around here. It’s the First Order! Besides it’s what you want.”

“Maybe not what I need…” Kylo returned his fingers to the edge of her jaw, dragged them down to the nape of her neck, and caressed the dip that connected with her shoulder.  

She glanced at his lips while she resisted the urge to bite her own. “What do you need?”

“ _You_ , right now, before you leave.” His fingers wrapped around the back of her neck, and he pulled her in for a kiss.

It stung softly around her bottom lip and her folded arms pressed lightly against her stomach, the muscles there still angry, and that reminded her that she was definitely  _not_  aroused by him, just irritated. She broke the kiss. “There’s no time. And I’m not in the mood.”

“You’re jealous. I felt it.” His voice was soft, and that made it easier for her to accept the words coming out of his mouth. She wouldn’t have called it jealousy. More claiming what was rightfully hers. “You shouldn’t be. I don’t care about her like that.”

[Y/N] sighed. Maybe it was jealousy. Kylo was looking to be understood, and he found that in [Y/N]. It was his grievance with the Supreme Leader. He never got it from his father. And when Skywalker saw Kylo’s potential, he rejected him too. Yet she gave her acceptance so willingly, because she desired him. And all he wanted was for his life to make sense… but what if he was also trying to find it in that girl? It was the one way that [Y/N] would never truly be able to connect with him… through the Force.

She wasn’t Force sensitive.

Sometimes she wished she was.  _Often_. She wished it often. But she couldn’t give herself that. Or him. He never seemed to care about it, but then… they’d never been in this situation before… She never had to deal with this kind of competition before. And she did not like to lose; there was only very little she was willing to swallow, Yoshi being one of them, he was very little, insignificant. But there was no way in Malachor that she was going to take the appearance of this girl lying down. Kylo was hers.

“So you admit that you care. About her.”

“That’s not what I meant.  _Don’t_  twist my words.” Kylo lowered his head to meet her gaze again.

“Then what do you mean?”

“She is a Force user. It’s powerful. Raw. I haven’t been around Force users for a long time.”

“You have done that yourse—”

“WILL you just listen? Sometimes you’re  _really_  frustrating.”

“I’M? ME? — I’m leaving.”

Kylo blocked her path again, and she shoved his arm away, but he tugged her back into his grasp. She glared back, clenching her hands, and he tilted his head.  

A small smile graced his face. “I don’t care about her. She’s nobody.  _Nothing_. I care about the Force. She wields it. That’s all.” He leaned closer to her face and looked her straight in the eyes. “That’s all.”

“ _Fine_ ,” she said, relaxing her fingers again. At this rate she might develop repetitive strain injury.

It would have to do for now, it would have to wait until after her mission, but she was not done with this conversation… and asking him what it was that he wanted exactly… after all the personal devastation he caused to himself. There had to be repercussions, whether he was willing to admit them or not. And if he wanted her to be a part of any of it, he needed to let her in… on all of it.

“Now… about giving me what I need…” Kylo leaned down to kiss her again, but she put her finger on his lips and stopped him.

“Why don’t you work for it, and then I’ll decide.” [Y/N] smirked.

Kylo smiled wryly. “Don’t push your luck.”

“You’re on a clock.” She quirked her eyebrow. “Better get to it… or do I have to teach you a lesson?  _Hm_.”

Kylo scraped his teeth over his bottom lip, coloring it white and then red, and pushed her up against the wall with a soft thud, kissing her like he was proving a point. Rough and demanding. Whatever his point was… he was wrong. And she was going to get her way. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and tugged him harder on her lips and against her body. She felt his semi-hard cock on her belly, and the friction inside her was building rapidly. His head disappeared in her neck, tugging down the fabric of her uniform, but there were so many layers that very little skin became exposed. He stood back, concentration spread over his face, and he removed her weapons and outer robe, then she let him take away all the other layers until only her bra was left on her chest.

“That’s better,” Kylo mumbled to himself, grabbed her breasts, pushed them upwards, and planted kisses and bites all over her chest, up to her neck again… now freely making her breathing more constrained.

Her own hands moved down his broad figure and she tugged off his belt, then tunic and undershirt. He was so warm, she had felt it when he had enclosed her in his arms forcefully earlier today, there was a part of her that wanted him then, and now… now she was even more willing, especially since she had the upper hand. Her favorite part in their game of dominance. Her nails marked his pale chest with streaks of red, then softened around the wound on his waist. Kylo merely tensed up and swept her breasts out of her bra to dart his tongue over her nipples.

With a soft and appreciative moan, her eyes flitted closed and her fingers roamed through his dark locks. The attention of his mouth and hands on her was easily clouding her mind with only longing, for only him. The pecks and squeezes. Quick and rough. The bites and sucks. Gentle and deep. Special attention was given to the bruises he had marked her with, and they had her tightening around him. Kylo was setting her body on fire, and she wanted to burn.

Rushing for more, she pushed his head down, and Kylo unbuttoned her pants. When he removed her boots, one by one, she glanced down at him, gloating. She was fully aware that he had seen the smirk, and it added to the delight she was getting from  _his_  obedience. Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren, down on his knees… for her. It was a good place for him.

Right where he belonged.

“Don’t think I’m not punishing you. The more you taunt me, the harder I’m taking you. There’ll be nothing left of you,” Kylo said after he removed her boots and stood up, towering over her again.

Her smirk widened, she clucked her tongue and removed her pants. “I don’t think so.”

“Is that right?” He tilted his head, unzipped his pants, then rubbed his long fingers over her clothed folds.

She stopped his action, no matter how much it pleased her, leaned forward and moved his hand inches away from her legs. “You’re going to fuck me slow. It’s on  _my_  terms.”

He remained silent for a second, then it looked like he was about to speak so she instantly cut him off with a ‘no’, not really caring what it what that he was going to say.

“Take it or leave it.” She pushed his hand away.

His jaw locked, his teeth gritting, but he kept quiet.

Her smirk widened even more. It felt good to deny him the pleasure.

Kylo jerked down his pants to his knees, the fire behind his eyes ready to explode, then pushed her against the wall again. She gasped at the blow, and he stuck his tongue inside of her mouth. Taking his annoyance out on her. She wrapped her arms around him, and pulled him in deeper once more. His hand returned to her pussy, rubbing her again, tapping her with quick light blows when she least expected it. It made her needy. It made her buck her hips towards him. She pushed his head down again, and he bent his legs until he was back on his knees and faced her pussy.

She lifted his chin condescendingly, then gestured him to what they both knew she wanted. Kylo moved her panties to one side, revealing her moist folds to him, and he dug his pointed tongue between them, opening her up for him. It was a slight jab. Then another one. And another. Until his chin was slick with her, and he moved his tongue upward… just underneath her clit, prodding gently. She sighed, closed her eyes, and tried to relax herself. The incessant attention of his tongue was already pulling the coils of rope tight in the pit of her stomach. She brushed her fingers through his soft locks, nothing condescending this time, and he changed his course of action. Now the tip of his tongue moved down her slit then up and lapped around her clit. She bucked towards him, and he focused solely on her clit, sucking her in. The warmth escalated into something more demanding…

Circles of fire.

Trails of flames.

She was getting closer to combustion.

A long, satisfied moan fell from her lips and he inserted two fingers inside of her, immediately twisting and turning inside of her, rubbing her in the right place. She found him glancing up at her, eyes wide and intense, the black of his eyes drowning out any brown, and it forced more flashes of desire up her chest. She urged his reddened lips harder on her clit, slowly rolling her hips back and forth to get the additional friction. She glanced further down and saw his hand move in his pants.

“ _Ahhh_ , are you touching yourself?”

“Hmm,” Kylo murmured, not stopping his suction on her.

“Hold on. Come here.” She seized his hair and pulled him up. He gave her an annoyed stare.  She smirked. “This isn’t about you, Kylo.” She grabbed his cock, wrapped one leg around his hip, and steered his cock to her cunt. “This is about pleasuring me.” She inserted his cock in her cunt, letting him in and out slowly, coating his cock with her slick a bit more each time.

Kylo choked on a breath, his eyes closing, the palm of his hands resting on the walls, while she bit on her lip to stop herself from moaning too loud as he filled her up.

“Look at me,” she said when he was embedded inside her completely.

He did. Heavy-lidded eyes strained to stay open. She rolled her body and he suffered as he had to hold himself back. Kylo peered into her eyes, then at her lips. She pulled him closer and kissed him, sucking on his lip, coating her mouth with her slick, and with her hand on his hip she set the pace for him.

With slow, rough thrusts, Kylo slammed inside of her until he buried her to the hilt, then he pulled out for a second, all slick and glistening, before he repeated the agony. She clenched up each time. The blow on her pussy catching her off guard each time. Dizzy with desire, she could smell the sweat on the both of them. And somewhere in the background she heard a beeping noise, but she was much too distracted by the noises Kylo made. Tense murmurs escaped from Kylo’s lips, small groans and grunts caused by the wretchedness she had put them both in. He made sure to let her know that.  

“Since when do you want it slow?” Kylo asked after the slow pace had seemingly become too unbearable for him to even look at or kiss her.

“Simply because I know you don’t.”

“ _Hmm_.” He grunted harder. “When you come back from your mission, I’m going to make you suffer. I’m going to take my time with you. I’ll take hours. Keep you on the edge of your climax... you’re going to cry, plead, I’m going to make you beg for it.”

“Promise?” She moaned, as he shoved himself inside of her.

He pulled out. “And then I won’t let you come.” He slammed into her. “Instead I’ll fuck your cunt so raw you won’t be able to walk for days.” He slammed back inside.

She gasped. “ _Ohhhh_ , fuck, Kylo. Don’t sweet talk me. Fuck me. Harder.”

“Harder?  _Faster_?” He pressed their lips together, one hand keeping her leg up around her hip, the other now around her throat. And he forced himself inside of her again.

“ _Fuck_ , yes.”

Kylo gave her what they both wanted. Again. His hips snapped back and forth viciously, pounding into her as deep as he could reach. Then deeper. The thrusts came so hard that he was pushing the air out of her lungs, making her gasp with every shove… until the beating against her pussy fucked her up even more and she couldn’t hold herself back. The moans came falling out, one after the other, only shortly broken by a gasp or sigh.

When she grew even louder, Kylo put his hand over her mouth. Smothering her. Shutting her up. “Keep quiet.”

“ _Ahhh_.... ahh....  _ahhhmmm_ , I can’t,” she said against his hand, and he tightened his hold on her mouth, making sure no more sounds escaped as he continued pounding into her.

Her ass was bruising against the cold wall of the broom closet, and the deeper Kylo’s thrusts were, the more his body rubbed against her clit, hitting her from both sides… until the tension became unbearable, gnawing away at any coherent thought she could possibly muster up. Trails of flames rushing through her body, and then she faded into oblivion.

Pained moans were still stifled by his hand, but she pulled it away… trying to breathe through them as she came down from her high and witnessed him reaching his. A quivering body, nails breaking the skin of her thigh, eyes shut tightly… and then he fell forward, still imprisoning her against the damn wall.

But now they both were a little worse for wear.

Beaten and bruised.

She nudged him, and he glanced her way, the lust still clear on his face. She kissed him again. All the things she wanted to do to his face, if they had had more time. Kylo rolled his tongue around hers, slowly taking all of her in through strained breaths, and he swayed his hips. She whimpered. His cock moved along with his hips, still embedded within her, and she really wasn’t ready to stop… but then came the beeping from her time gear again.

She finally paid attention to it. “Yoshi left several messages. I’m late. I have to go.”

“[Y/N]…” Kylo kissed her again, continuing his torture…

And she, she was caught between her thoughts and her desires. She broke the kiss, their lips lingering near each other, silently gazing into his dark brown eyes. “Kylo, I…”

“I know.” He nodded, his eyes conveying what her mind could not, then pressed their lips together roughly one last time, and stepped back, sighing as he pulled out of her.

They dressed in silence, and just before she turned around to leave… he quickly told her with a satisfied smile, “We’ll reconvene in a few days.”

But satisfaction wore off. And so did anger. Once her emotions settled down, rational thinking set back in. After the command shuttle flew out the hangar deck, [Y/N] walked to the small viewport and peeked outside.

Kylo might’ve silenced her mind momentarily with the words she wanted to hear from him, with their need, but there was so much left to discuss. There was a dissonance between what Kylo had said to her and what he had said to the girl. A soft divide between what her mind and her heart were telling her. And her world was easier to navigate when those two things were aligned. If Kylo was changing, could she change along with him? She was used to coloring inside the lines of the First Order. Order. Peace. A better life. Her purpose had been clear even if what she had to do for it was not. Lord Vader. The Knights of Ren. The Force.

So what did he mean? Kill the past?

The questions weighed on her as they slowly drifted away from the warfare, further into darkness. The armada of destroyers diminished; mere specks of brilliance until the black of deep space swallowed it whole.

No light. Only dark.

Always dark, for it was wartime. Always blood. But [Y/N] wasn’t afraid of the gory lumps of Kylo. She was comfortable in the roars and creaks of his heart… so then why was this inexplicable dread rooting itself in the pit of her stomach?

A hunch, maybe.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **_Fin._** Power struggles. Emotional entanglements. An inside look into what The Knights of Ren could've been up to. I hope you enjoyed reading this. More so, I hope you share your thoughts with me if you did (or find me on [Tumblr](https://existentialmalaises.tumblr.com/)).


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